Discovering you are pregnant can be a shock. You probably want to avoid dealing with it altogether. But, you can’t do that. Of course, one of the first things on your mind is telling your boyfriend, or the father of the baby.
You may be feeling a lot of emotions toward him. You may be angry with him, scared that he might leave you, or afraid he’ll want you to do something you don’t want to do. Your feelings are normal.
Just remember — No matter what he says or does, what YOU do is your decision. No one else can make it for you. But you are not alone. Our counselors will be happy to work with you to decide how to tell your boyfriend.
Here are some tips to prepare you for the discussion:
- Begin the process of confirming that you are pregnant. We can provide you with a free pregnancy self-test kit and a referral to a health care provider to confirm the results.
- Talking with people you trust can help relieve your anxiety and start you toward receiving the support you will need.
- Telling a person you trust also gives you the opportunity to practice telling him.
- Choose a time and a setting when both of you will be in good moods, relaxed and in a place with minimal distractions.
- Don’t play games or try to make him guess the news. Be candid and inform him that the two of you have gotten pregnant together.
- Avoid setting a negative mood, “I have really bad news…” Start with something positive like your appreciation of him or the relationship.
Be prepared for his first reactions:
- Silence—This is a common response. Remember when you first saw the positive test. You were probably speechless. When you first tell him he will probably act the same way. It doesn’t mean he isn’t interested or won’t support you. It may just take a day or two before a real conversation begins.
- “I’ll support you with whatever you want to do”—This is also common. He may not understand the full extent of your needs. But his willingness to support you is a good sign. Just remember that ultimately this is your decision. No one can force you to do something you’re not comfortable doing.
- “Is it mine?”—Yes, this is insensitive, but unfortunately it is also a common response. It is probably more a shock response versus a true belief about your relationship.
Our counselors are also available to talk with your boyfriend to help him understand what you’re going through and how he can support you.
Address your feelings. Hopefully you will feel supported, but you may feel neglected, abandoned, or betrayed. No matter whom you choose to talk to, talk to someone. Don’t leave those feelings inside.